I Am Who I Am Because of You

I don't have many friends. I don't need much friends. But you guys are the one who I know would stick around through my ups and downs. I trust you will.

Wai Sik Mui, Jen

What more can I say to you sista? Our thoughts are, if not out and voiced, it's in our mind as one. You know it, I can read you better than I can read myself. Our destinies are tied as you said but I hope one day, we can change them together. It really sucks. Little means more, more means less. I know you'll always be there for me; even when the whole world turns its back on me but I still want you to know, whatever affects your happiness or slightly makes you feel uneasy, I will not do it. So forgive me when I give you, your time alone and let you be with whoever you want to be sometimes. You want to help me but if that takes away any of your opportunities in life, it would just make me feel guilty in the end. We're similar yet different, as long as the last spark emotional dependence is still with that person, I'm still more independent than you in terms emotional issues. When I say, I'm okay, you and I both know that I'm not most of the time but that's okay, I can still cope with it. We both have shit in our lives that's pulling us in different directions and the only thing I can do for you, is not to be another pull. It's all in the mind as you say, but Annie's mind never stops until the funny nerve hits. In fact, Annie's brain works better in the state of pain. So please don't worry about me, it's part of life; unexpected things hit you at the wrong times but as long as, you don't give up on yourself, a path will eventually open up. We're both on boats that seem to be heading no where. Perhaps we even jump from one boat to the other, to find a clearer direction but like the Chinese saying said "the boat will head straight when it reaches the dock". That dock will be our island, we will find it together. Looking forward to that day, when I can happily smile at my sister who's wearing that white gown and smiling back at me. I know this day will come. You just have to believe.

Wai Sik Mui #2, Linda

Remember that hill at UTSC? Boy, was it a long walk but it's also that long walk that led me to you. You gotta believe it was fate. We both took the WRONG bus and the same wrong bus. Sighs, those were the stupid days. I'm glad I found you. Many things have changed through the years; I've changed, you've changed, the roads have changed and here we are, changing for the better. Our bond just kept growing stronger. I see you slowly growing up now. At times, your innocence brings warmth to my heart. You always have ways of making me smile but that's just the way you are. You got a smile that melts every piece of ice. I've said this once and I'm gonna say it again, you are one of a kind, considering your sheltered nature. You've got a great personality. A little naive at times but that's okay. Simple is good, believe me! Like I said to Jenny, I'm gonna say it to you. Please don't worry about me. I know times are rough at this moment in time but I'm coping with it. I really appreciate the care and concern. I know I freaked you out so many times but I'll be okay. I've always been okay, no matter what I've gone through; I'm still able to hold up. Thanks for listening to my blabbing in the car rides, I know I say the same shit all the time but it's the same shit that never seems to go away. No worries, just get excited about Shanghai and Hong Kong!

"Dummy Bear", DC

I enjoyed calling you this but I won't be able to recite it again. Although, we're apart; a part of me is still with you. Got a part of me back but another part of me was given to you. Despite the fact that our personalities collide, and we didn't work out together; the truth came out when my heart ached at your departure. The brain can only be rational for the moment but the heart will never lie to you. I regret being such an immature child and openly spoke the honest calculations. It was unnecessarily. As you never understood my personality and how my brain worked, you probably don't know why I want you to hate me. Love and hate is a fine line apart but I wanted to break this fine line for you. I've witnessed people dwelling on me because I've never broke this fine line for them but instead they broke it for me. It's easier this way and I hope you understand this is the last care I can give you, is to see you hurt, learn and move on. Never was I this "considerate", unless I cared for you. But who can I blame? I've always expect people to read between the lines but people don't live in this complicated brain of mine. But still, I hope you understand the last I did for you and to be honest, it's not easy. As you said, I have poor communication skills. Problems at the moment, should have been spoken at the moment but instead, it was bottled up and exploded with the wrong intention. I long knew our personalities won't work out but still I had hope and faith in it. Too much is piling up on me at this point of my life, I just can't make anymore effort in working on building this potential relationship. I have no more to say but I'm sorry for the pain I've caused. Not only hurting you, the people around us but also myself. Our story happened so fast like a fairytale in the real world. The bond between two people is like a fairytale. The person is everything or perhaps the world to you when you're in it but when you step out of it, you go back to being lonely yet waiting for another fairytale to happen again. Despite the fairytale story, I was still true all along. The care and concern is still around, it's just a phone call away. Never hesitate to dial the call. You've once said I can come to you whenever I need someone to talk to, has that already changed?

"the cutest guy ever"... Steven SWC

The phrase "I am who I am because of you" refers to you most. The day you step into my life was the day my life met its sharp turned. My personality expressed more of what was hidden deep inside. Even I didn't know, I could be who I am today. From the quiet and reserved girl to an expressive drama queen, what a 180 makeover. It was as if magic worked its way into my life. Then, I actually saw a direction as to where I was heading. Although, I fell too deeply, I never regretted this fated experience. Perhaps, it was meant to be. From admiration to affection to love to love beyond love; I lost and gained. I've gained the indescribable memories  and beliefs but I lost all of myself. Lonely times bring me back to where I left off, the direction that was once never there. Voices always told me, it's already rock bottom, give up but my heart never seemed to have held a definition call "part". I've recently got a part of myself back and felt my heart beat and ache again. Perhaps, life is telling me closure is approaching and that I will love again but a part of me fears the intangible feeling of love. Love is beautiful yet love kills and hurts. Will I ever be able to leave this life of living in vein? I will, don't need your answer anymore.

Adrianboy 03.24.82 - 04.10.06

It's hard to imagine you're not here anymore. I still don't believe it's true but the fact is, I'll never hear your voice again. I'll never see your smile again. And I'll never feel your presence again. It was too sudden for me to digest. It's me, isn't it? My negative energy is getting to me. I know without me, you would be better off. You've once said you'll never give me up to anyone else but one person. I never got my answer him yet, how can you leave me all alone? You said you'll come back for me! You promised!! You can't break the promise without my permission! You can't leave before I do! Do you still remember how we met? A silly girl ordering a house coffee in a bar, catching many unintentional stares and amongst those eyes, there were yours. Little did you know, the silly girl was too looking at you. Remember when you first held my hand into "Galaxy"? Korean girls and the envious stares? Those were the days and the old history. With 8 months of knowing you and an additional 7 months spent with you, we've been through an incredible journey. You've once said you were like Prince Charming, taking me through the winds of dreams, swiping me off my feet at the verge of every danger. Nevertheless, we've been through the doors of hell together. You were a Prince but sadly, not my Prince Charming. I thank you for your endless true love but you and I both know, I cannot offer you the same love in return. I  did hope I would be able to one day but now, it's too late. Perhaps, in the next life I can return all that I owe you. I will never forget the guy who helped me through the hardest time of my life. The scenes of the puppy at my door steps are still fresh in my memories. When I had no one there for me on my birthday, you were only one. It has only been a year, I can't believe you're no longer here anymore. I won't let your death be unjustified. Work is being done. Those who are responsible owe me their all. I'm missing you...

"Friend", Nansee

Getting to know me again might be a different feel for you but what it comes down to, I'm still the friend you can depend on. I will never forget the endless phone conversations we had and times that you were there to listen to my sorrow. Life has changed us in different ways but only for the better. I see you slowly maturing and getting your life back on track. I'm more than happy for you and not to mention proud. Thanks for all the help after my car accident. I would have never made it through without you. Memories are old but the present is still fresh, let's work together for the better. I'm always here whenever you need me. You're still Strawberry Shortcake's favourite fan!

"Cuz", TK

Wuddup cuz! You are one incredible kid of your age. Sentimental and loving but those are for girls. As an elder, I don't want to see you fall deep into love. You lost everything you had but you'll get it all back and throw it at those who owe it to you. There's a lot going for you right now. Put the feelings aside and work towards your own life. Don't work too hard though. I hate seeing pounds shed off of people (cause I'm supposed to be losing those pounds.. lol). Stay strong. I'm only a phone call away, don't be scared. I'm only "Annie".. haha..

Sassygirl, Tiff

First time seeing you, I thought you were one of those 18 year old freshmen. I'm glad I found you in school. I would have never made it through those deadlines without you. I hate having to have you clean up my mess all the time but you sympathize that. Thank you. We had great times together with the girls and your laughter just keeps the fun going. Though, we haven't really chilled lately, I know whenever I talk to you, things have never changed. You're still one of my closest girls. As you say, we'll always be there for each other. Keep that in mind. I know you're working towards bettering your life but don't lose yourself on the way. If you have to lose yourself in order to achieve something, that thing will never balance to be worthwhile. Confidence comes from within. The shell just hides what you don't have. Stay true.

"unknown"

For a very long time, my heart has been buried six feet under. I long forgotten how it felt to feel my heart beat rapidly around someone but the night when you held my hand through the crowd, my heart was awaken again. Was it real? Perhaps, I've been digging to reach my heart so hard that when I'm finally close to it and it was easy for you to touch it. I don't know but that feeling shocked me. I questioned myself a million times but I couldn't find the answer. I believe it's true, but no matter how true it is, your heart will never be connected to mine, I know. There's more to life than following your heart, so I chose to forget about this feeling.

Trang 

Having chilled with you for the longest time. Although life has pulled me in different directions and my time has been subdivided; whenever I see you I feel that it's still the same. I know I'm bitchy at times and you know it, but you tolerate a lot of shit. I know no matter where in life we are at, the conservations we have would still be as intellectual as before. Thank you so much being through the hard times with me. =P 

Jamie, and others

coming soon